I Had the SADDEST Christmas of my Life

Who would've thought that I would be celebrating Christmas alone? I know my parents are here and all that, but think of it, nobody would go to church! I thought that Christmas is all about family, all about spreading the love. Right now, I just want to cry my heart out. They're all out there, doing their own businesses. My eldest sister is overseas, my second sister is in Manila, my third sister's on night shift, my parents are TIRED. That's it and now I'm in here in this messy room of mine doing NOTHING. I MISS MY FAMILY. I know that they're right there, but the good ol' times, the joy, the bonding and the love's starting to wither. I can't feel them anymore. I've been starting to feel like this ever since my sisters finished school. Christmas break is the only day we could spend time together and now it's messed up.

I've never been jealous to the families out there, but right now, I'm so effing envious! Children running around, families wearing the same shirt color, exchanging gifts, exchanging LAUGHTERS, they make me want to die! I want to experience those right now! Oh, now I'm crying.




HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO EVERYONE!!!!

FOR THE PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO CAN'T UNDERSTAND ME

Taylor Swift
Mean 

You, with your words like knives, 
And swords and weapons that you use against me.

You, have knocked me off my feet again, 
Got me feeling like a nothing.

You, with your voice like nails on a chalk board, calling me out when I'm wounded.

You, picking on the weaker man. 

You can take me downnn, 
With just one single blowwwwww.

But you don't know, 
What you don't know! 

Someday, I'll be, living in a big old city, 
And all you're ever gonna be is mean.
Someday, I'll be, big enough so you can't hit me, 
And all you're ever gonna be is mean.

Why you gotta be so mean?

You, with your switching sides, 
And your wildfire lies, and your humiliation.

You, have pointed out my flaws again.
As if I don't already see them. 

I walk with my head down, 
Trying to block you out, cause I'll never impress you.
I just want to feel okay again.

I bet you got pushed arooound, 
Somebody made you cold.
But the cycle ends right now.
Because you can't lead me down that road.

And you don't know, 
What you don't know.

Someday I'll be living in a big old city, 
And all you're ever gonna be is mean.
Someday I'll be, 
Big enough so you can't hit me.

And all you're ever gonna be is mean.

Why you gotta be so mean?

And I can see you years from now, in a bar, 
Talking over a football game.
With that same big loud opinion, 
But nobody's listenin'.

Washed up and ranting about the same old bitter things.
Drunken groans and all about, 
How I can't be.

And all you are is mean.

All you are is mean, 
And a liar, 
And pathetic, 
And alone in life.

And mean, and mean, and mean, and mean! 

But someday I'll be living in a big old city, 
And all you're ever gonna be is mean.
YEAH EAH! 
Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me, 
And all you're ever gonna be is mean.

Why you gotta be so mean?

Someday I'll be living in a big old city, 
(Why you gotta be so mean)
And all you're ever gonna be is mean.
(Why you gotta be so mean)
Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me, 
(Why you gotta be so mean)
And all you're ever gonna be is mean.

Why you gotta be so mean?

Call me "attention-seeker..." I AM.

NEGATIVE COMMENTS here, BAD FEEDBACKS there. RUMORS all around me. I hear them and I know that they're talking about me and they're pulling me down. I hate hearing 'em. It's because I know thy're not true but I still get hurt because I'm the one involved. I know that what you're gonna say is that "AYY, NAIGO RA NA. GUILTY MAN GUD. MAO NA." But the truth is, I AM NOT.

But maybe I should not hate it. I mean, who would hate the feeling of being talked about? Maybe I should be proud of it. Many people have heard about me. A rebellious, feeler, honor-student wannabe.  Ugh. whatever.

Many teachers tell me "Hey, what's happening? Your class performance is getting lower ( wait am I right? Is getting lower the right term? oh, never mind. I have the freedom to be corrected.). Maybe you're 'TOO iNLOVE' that's why you are getting lazier"

I always get mad when I hear those lines but I just hide them between my laughs and lies because I know that showing my anger will just bring me to nothing 'cause I can't talk back to teachers.  Do you want to know the reason why  I've changed? Here it is, read on to unlock this effing useless mystery.

Wait. Before I proceed, I'll tell you who I WAS. I'm a good student, in fact I have good grades, I'm an honor student, and I ALWAYS, ALWAYS follow rules. But, I've just been curious on how it feels to be a lawbreaker. So that's it. I started being lazy but at least my grades are not flunking. :] Following the dos and donts are soooooooo boooooring. I also want to prove that even though I'm lazy, I still can be one of the 'smart kuno' at school. But my plan went wrong. 

I know how to manage my time. I just don't want to because doing wrong is fun. I know that was an unacceptable reason but that's the truth. And if love is really the reason why I'm like this, then maybe from my freshman year, I've already been distracted right? I've been crushin' and blushin' and lovin' since my freshman year. I'm just committed right now. So what's the difference? And being in a relationship doesn't change a thing. NORMAL. Adik. I just want to be lazy 'cause it's fun. I know it's wrong, but wrong is MORE FUN!

Thank you for talking about me, now I'm so BROKEN, CRUSHED, DESTROYED and my reputation is SOILED. But what does it mean to you, right? I'm just an ordinary student whose name is unknown and you are BIG people who needs to be respected.

Oh, wonder why I wrote and showed this in public? I can't keep it all in my head and I can't talk back to elders, so I'll just let it out in my blog. So that you will know what it feels like to be talked about especially in the things that are SOOO WRONG. Keep talking about me, I'll be famous.


(haha! I've erased the private thingies in here, so if you don't get my point, then goodluck.:] )

Brighter-Paramore (the song that keeps playing in my mind)

So this is how it goes
Well I, I would have never known
And if it ends today
Well, I'll still say that you shine brighter than anyone

Now I think we're taking this too far
Don't you know that it's not this hard?
Well it's not this hard
But if you take what's yours and I take mine
Must we go there?
Please not this time. No, not this time.

Well this is not your fault
But if I'm without you
Then I will feel so small
And if you have to go
Always know that you shine brighter than anyone does.

Now I think we're taking this too far
Don't you know that it's not this hard?
Well it's not this hard
But if you take what's yours and I take mine
Must we go there?
Please not this time. No, not this time.

If you run away now,
Will you come back around?
And if you ran away,
I'd still wave goodbye
Watching you shine bright.

Now I think we're taking this too far
Don't you know that it's not this hard?
Well it's not this hard
But if you take what's yours and I take mine
Must we go there?
Please not this time. No, not this time.

And I'll wave goodbye
Watching you shine bright
(You shine bright, you shine bright)
And I'll wave goodbye tonight.

Judgments are Useless

Imperfections, flaws, failures, mistakes and everything. That's what others notice about you. When you do wrong, they'll say Oh my gosh! You messed up everything! or You're useless!  You did not do anything at all!  

I know how it feels to be judged by other people who does not even see the good things you've done for them. It's kinda like you're being sucked into a super massive black hole and everything inside you feels...dark. You feel like you want to disappear and live inside a world all by yourself. But, look into the brighter side! Maybe they just do that because they're insecure.

You know, before you go into a corner and cry all day long, look at yourself in the mirror.  Know your flaws. Accept that you are not perfect. Well, nobody is. Find a way to make that imperfection your strength. Look at yourself again and think What are the good things in me? Build your self-esteem again! That would really help a lot. Then, put a smile on your face and say "I have mistakes and I'm proud of 'em!"

The people's judgments are useless. Do you know why? There are just things that are present in you but not in them, that's why they pull you down so they can make themselves go all the way up. They do it to make themselves feel that they're better than you. But of course, never do the same thing. Never hurt others.

So, don't listen to anyone's negative judgments about you. They're just insecure and all. Stand up tall! Never let them pull you down! Don't let anyone interfere in your way to make yourself better. They can't help you. It's your life, not theirs.

LESSONS LEARNED :D

** Think of other people's feelings.

** Try to think of the consequences before you do something.

** THINK before you blurt out.

** Never abuse your friends' patience and understanding. They may boil up too.

** Treasure every second spent with your loved ones.

** You can't get everything you want.

** It's takes a long time to find true friends, but it only takes a second to destroy friendship.

** Trust on your own abilities, nothing's impossible if you believe in yourself.

** Time can't be put to rewind, so make the right decisions.

** When something made me MAD, maybe I should keep it to myself and not to blame others of what had happened.

** No matter how good a person is, time will come that they may also hurt you. But try to forgive them. Your relationship with that person won't strengthen if there would be no problems that will come in your lives that will make you know more about each other.

** True friends are really there when you need help in finding the real you.

** Don't say that your life is f****ing miserable. You won't grow up unless you'll get into messy situations.

** THE WORLD DOESN'T REVOLVE AROUND YOU. So stop the drama.

** Every little bit of your PAST SHOULD BE FORGOTTEN. Only bring the lessons learned in the present. ENJOY the PRESENT and explore. EXPECT A BETTER YOU in the FUTURE.

WALA LANG!

My to-do list na hindi maaring gawin:

- Gumawa ng sariling kanta na walang sense

- Sumayaw kahit walang music.

- Gumawa ng sariling music video na hairbrush ang gamit na mic.

- Manghuli ng bangaw.

- Kausapin ang sarili.

- Makipaglaro sa ipis.

- Makipag-usap sa daga.

- Umakyat sa bubong at sumayaw.

- Kumanta ng malakas sa labas ng bahay.

- Magpanggap na baliw.

- Kumain ng alikabok.

- SUMINGHOT ng ALIKABOK

- Mag-imbento ng pagkain at kainin ito at obserbahan ang side epeks nito.

- Kumain ng sili.

- Makipagkwentuhan sa alagang pusa/aso










Retarded ang gumawa nito...

Random things about me. :]

>>Not all the people who read books are nerds. Bookworms are different form nerds. Nerds are the people who are study conscious. They always study. While bookworms are the people who likes to reaD books all the time, different kinds of books, but mostly novels. READING is different from STUDYING. Get it? I'm a bookworm but I'm not a nerd.

>>Having bangs doesn't mean the person is emo. Maybe they have bangs to cover up their wide forehead or something. (Like me..Some people told me I'm emo. NO IM NOT! I JUST HATE MY FOREHEAD THAT'S ALL! AND HEY! MOST OF THE TIME I LAUGH LOUD, SO AM I EMO???? I HATE EMOS!)

>>Writing deep words or difficult words doesn't mean you're also emo. Maybe they just like to use difficult words to widen their vocabulary. Some people are really judgmental. So I ask you, ARE POETS EMO?? DUH! Wake up stupid people!!!

>>That doesn't mean that I ignore you means that I'm snob. It's just that I'm shy to interact with other people and I'm not good at opening conversations. SO if you really want to talk to me, open up your own topic. Capisce?

>>They say that I'm mean. Yes, that's partially true but know me deeper and you'll know how good I am.

>>Other people are afraid to befriend me. I dunno why. Am I really that ugly? 

>>Other say that it's hard to talk to me. Just try and talk to me and you'll know how humorous I am. 

I just wanna share. teehee!

★Confused★

Knowing that one of your friends crushing on you is kinda awkward. Awkward in the fact that you can't believe that your friend already felt that way without even knowing And because of that, you'll act weird when you're with each other. The old treatment has faded.   I miss those days when we laugh and make fun of each other.I miss those days when we talk about things with no sense. I get jealous when he jokes around with other people. The thing that's in my mind if he makes fun of people is 'hey, where's the old you who I can laugh with? Are we still friends?' 

Life May turn Out Great

Life is a roller coaster

Life is full of twists and turns

Life may be sweet, may be bitter

But all of these are just part of "the adventure"

We may experience ups and downs

Because of confusions, our soul drowns

Life is just a mixture of good and bad

Let's just appreciate all the things we had

Life is a checkered sun and shadow

Never think everything we've gone to has no tomorrow

Everything happens for a reason,

Be wise, use life's lessons for us to be better persons

Frustrated Feelings

Have you ever felt this addictive feeling? You're liking someone. You like their crooked smile, how they talk, how they fool around? Everytime we see that certain someone, it's like our hearts would want to jump out off our chests. We blush when that someone would pass around. Sometimes, we want to stare at them for hours. This crazy feeling is what we call CRUSHING.

Having a crush can really distract you any time of the day. It may interfere with your studies because you always think of someone during class discussions. ( kinsa ang naigo??) It may also affect our attitudes and appearance because we always want to look best in front of our crushes. We don't want to be humiliated in front of them and because of that, we change and conceal our true self. But I'm not saying that crushing is bad for us.

In fact, studies show that having a crush also lets your blood circulate better. How? Well, do you notice that sometimes you blush when your crush is around and your heart beats faster? Because of it, your body distributes blood faster. I mean, how cool is that? You can also perform better at school (it depends on how you do it) because there is someone that inspires you to perform better. Look on the brighter side people! Crushing is not that bad!


Well me, I'm currently having this same feeling too. I know most of us teenagers are crushing.  Let me tell you some things about my crush. Well, he's just my schoolmate. We're close friends. He's funny, He's smart, HE'S CUTE(for me),  he always makes me laugh and smile. He's there when I need someone to lean on. He's confident. He's just...PERFECT. I really like the way how he talks to me. I don't know, but when he approaches, I feel sparks. Oh, he's just...PERFECT.

Now, let's talk the other side of the road. Love is different from crushing. When you talk about love, you talk about being together until the end of your lives. You are talking about commitments, loyalty, trust and patience.You are talking about a deeper part, and the most hurting part. Sometimes, when we love someone, we really can't avoid being hurt. So if you're not ready for this LOVE ZONE, try to have a farther distance from it. But IF POSSIBLE, run away from love. We're still too young to get inside this part. In this critical stage of our life, we'll always end up being heartbroken, trust me.

I hope you've learned a lot about this blog. Just remember, no matter what we feel, just don't go beyond our limits. You're still TOO YOUNG to get serious in things that are connected to love. Try to balance everything, okay? Expecting for too much will just hurt you. ♥

Feelings.Feelings.

We experience lots of things daily. We may feel optimistic or on the contrary, be pessimistic. We experience things that may make us laugh or frown or even it can make our hearts jump up and down. We may also feel like there are butterflies in our stomach. It's kinda funny right? I'm really curious how the brain works these things down. 

Maybe (Baby Bio Version)

Be open-minded, learn to listen
Be patient, accept your mistakes
then be curious look at all around you
and just ask yourself why, oh why?

*And I was like Maybe, maybe, maybe though
that these things aren't just what we know,
like maybe, maybe, maybe oh
I thought I could look back in time, time.

Try to be humble- think of others
have perseverance- don't stop believing
Be optimistic and learn to use your failures
then have serendipity.

And I was like maybe, maybe, maybe though
that these things aren't just what we know
like maybe, maybe, maybe no
You're nothing without honesty, no.
(Repeat *)

Milo! Winning Everyday

I'm really very sorry if I've made this article very late. I just had no time for doing this blog. In fact, I just squeezed in this in my schedule. But, oh well...Lemme share you the experience in joining an Olympics without ever really playing. :D


Monday
July 26,2010


Mrs. Cabang asked me if I want to join the scrabble competition for the Milo Little Olympics, so I said it's alright. On that day, we we're thrown with lots of requirements so that we can join the Olympics. Because of that competition, I've neglected my studies because I'm trying to prepare for the game on Saturday.


Tuesday
July 27, 2010


As we submitted our requirements, I have noticed that my requirements were lacking, so I spent a lot of time in the Principal's Office and I came in the classroom in the middle of the first period. It's embarrassing especially when your classmates stare at you because you came in late.


Wednesday
July 27, 2010


Nothin' really happened much. But, I spent my time at home practicing scrabble and I even forgot to answer all my homework.


Thursday
July 28, 2010


I was informed that the birth certificate I've submitted wasn't accepted by the Milo office because it was just a photocopy. So again, I disturbed my father at home and made him bring some stuff for getting my birth certificate in the NSO. Thank God, I submitted the requirements.


Days passed...same things happened...




Saturday
July 31, 2010


We arrived at the Pelaez Sports Center at 6:45 am. Then, the whole group separated for our different events. The scrabble was held in the MOGCHS canteen so we immediately went there. Then we've heard the news that there would only be four players needed for the game. We were eight players because we thought that the game for boys and girls are separate. So we have four excess players and I'm one of them. Now this is the part where I've joined the Olympics without ever really playing. On that day, I felt regret. I've felt like that because I imagined all the stress that I've given and the people who I have given stress too just to join that event. But, on the brighter side, I was happy because I already know how the event happens and I already know the flow of the game. So I'm ready if I'll join the Olympics next year. Still, I felt useless and and I felt like I'm just an excess baggage of the team. It was like I was just a decoration or something.


Sunday
August 1, 2010


I was forced to come with the team because the coach said that I was the reserve player. I still hated the feeling that I have no use to them-just an excess baggage of the team, an outcast. By the time our school was declared the champion of the scrabbles, I really felt proud at the school and at the same time, I felt out-of-place because the players didn't let me join their victory celebration...I felt so alone...Still an outcast. I tried to congratulate them, but instead, they neglected my greetings. It's like I'm invisible to them. I know that I haven't said anything about this but now, I'm gonna let this out because it hurts my heart.




That's it...Milo! Winning everyday!

I Just Had the UNLUCKIEST Day of My Life

Sunday. A very nice day to go to mass. But, I was wrong. Not because I don't want to go to mass but because of what happened on our way to the church. I'll never, ever forget this day.


The YFC Cluster Five had an agreement to be the choir in Damilag church. So, as we were on our way to Damilag, yeah, we were riding on a wing van, the way we're going is full of bumps and curves. Imagine a box with pebbles inside and see what happens to the objects inside the box. That's what happened to us. Oh, it's awesome...So after the twists and turns, the driver attempted to take a shortcut to our destination, but unfortunately, the way we went to was SO muddy that the wing van sunk in the mud and it was like the van was turning upside down. Instead of having the ride, we just agreed to travel by foot. The highway was just near so not much of our energy were wasted, but wait, when we reached the highway, our feet was like, Oh my gosh! You  know what I meant. I f you don't get it, well okay, we had muddy feet. And imagine, we're choir members with MUDDY FEET! Great!


Arrival at St. Jude Thaddeus Church:
 We washed our feet and got inside the church.


It was also funny because, when the mass started, we also started to sing without the signal from the speaker of the introduction. It was really embarrassing right?? And the people were looking at us like we're outcasts. Urgh. I hate that part.


Then, after the mass, we went home. Well, not actually our homes but, we went to Calva's REST HOUSE?  Yeah, kinda like that. And we were just hanging around there, HAVING NO BREAKFAST...and we had lunch at around 2:00pm so that is equals to starvation. I really hated it, but I had no choice I had to wait for food. I also hated the fact that I was feeling out-of-place when I'm with my YFC family. It's like I can't fit in. That's it.


After the meals, we practiced the songs for the mass next Sunday. We did it again and again. I became impatient and gave up. And, you already know that I have a bad voice so I gave up more. I went home. I was very tired. I was worried about my assignments too. I still hadn't made them yet(luckily, I'm already done).


That's it. I just had the  UNLUCKIEST day of my life. x_x

Judgments are Useless

Imperfections, flaws, failures, mistakes and everything. That's what others notice about you. When you do wrong, they'll say Oh my gosh! You've messed up everything! or You're useless!  You did not do anything at all!  

I know how it feels to be judged by other people who does not even see the good things you've done for them. It's kinda like you're being sucked into a super massive black hole and everything inside you feels...dark. You feel like you want to disappear and live inside a world all by yourself. But, look into the brighter side! Maybe they just do that because they're insecure.

You know, before you go into a corner and cry all day long, look at yourself in the mirror.  Know your flaws. Accept that you are not perfect. Well, nobody is. Find a way to make that imperfection your strength. Look at yourself again and think What are the good things in me? Build your self-esteem again! That would really help a lot. Then, put a smile on your face and say "I have mistakes and I'm proud of 'em!"

The people's judgments are useless. Do you know why? There are just things that are present in you but not in them, that's why they pull you down so they can make themselves go all the way up. They do it to make themselves feel that they're better than you. But of course, never do the same thing. Never hurt others.

So, don't listen to anyone's negative judgments about you. They're just insecure and all. Stand up tall! Never let them pull you down! Don't let anyone interfere in your way to make yourself better. They can't help you. It's your life, not theirs.