I Had the SADDEST Christmas of my Life

Who would've thought that I would be celebrating Christmas alone? I know my parents are here and all that, but think of it, nobody would go to church! I thought that Christmas is all about family, all about spreading the love. Right now, I just want to cry my heart out. They're all out there, doing their own businesses. My eldest sister is overseas, my second sister is in Manila, my third sister's on night shift, my parents are TIRED. That's it and now I'm in here in this messy room of mine doing NOTHING. I MISS MY FAMILY. I know that they're right there, but the good ol' times, the joy, the bonding and the love's starting to wither. I can't feel them anymore. I've been starting to feel like this ever since my sisters finished school. Christmas break is the only day we could spend time together and now it's messed up.

I've never been jealous to the families out there, but right now, I'm so effing envious! Children running around, families wearing the same shirt color, exchanging gifts, exchanging LAUGHTERS, they make me want to die! I want to experience those right now! Oh, now I'm crying.




HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO EVERYONE!!!!

FOR THE PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO CAN'T UNDERSTAND ME

Taylor Swift
Mean 

You, with your words like knives, 
And swords and weapons that you use against me.

You, have knocked me off my feet again, 
Got me feeling like a nothing.

You, with your voice like nails on a chalk board, calling me out when I'm wounded.

You, picking on the weaker man. 

You can take me downnn, 
With just one single blowwwwww.

But you don't know, 
What you don't know! 

Someday, I'll be, living in a big old city, 
And all you're ever gonna be is mean.
Someday, I'll be, big enough so you can't hit me, 
And all you're ever gonna be is mean.

Why you gotta be so mean?

You, with your switching sides, 
And your wildfire lies, and your humiliation.

You, have pointed out my flaws again.
As if I don't already see them. 

I walk with my head down, 
Trying to block you out, cause I'll never impress you.
I just want to feel okay again.

I bet you got pushed arooound, 
Somebody made you cold.
But the cycle ends right now.
Because you can't lead me down that road.

And you don't know, 
What you don't know.

Someday I'll be living in a big old city, 
And all you're ever gonna be is mean.
Someday I'll be, 
Big enough so you can't hit me.

And all you're ever gonna be is mean.

Why you gotta be so mean?

And I can see you years from now, in a bar, 
Talking over a football game.
With that same big loud opinion, 
But nobody's listenin'.

Washed up and ranting about the same old bitter things.
Drunken groans and all about, 
How I can't be.

And all you are is mean.

All you are is mean, 
And a liar, 
And pathetic, 
And alone in life.

And mean, and mean, and mean, and mean! 

But someday I'll be living in a big old city, 
And all you're ever gonna be is mean.
YEAH EAH! 
Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me, 
And all you're ever gonna be is mean.

Why you gotta be so mean?

Someday I'll be living in a big old city, 
(Why you gotta be so mean)
And all you're ever gonna be is mean.
(Why you gotta be so mean)
Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me, 
(Why you gotta be so mean)
And all you're ever gonna be is mean.

Why you gotta be so mean?

Call me "attention-seeker..." I AM.

NEGATIVE COMMENTS here, BAD FEEDBACKS there. RUMORS all around me. I hear them and I know that they're talking about me and they're pulling me down. I hate hearing 'em. It's because I know thy're not true but I still get hurt because I'm the one involved. I know that what you're gonna say is that "AYY, NAIGO RA NA. GUILTY MAN GUD. MAO NA." But the truth is, I AM NOT.

But maybe I should not hate it. I mean, who would hate the feeling of being talked about? Maybe I should be proud of it. Many people have heard about me. A rebellious, feeler, honor-student wannabe.  Ugh. whatever.

Many teachers tell me "Hey, what's happening? Your class performance is getting lower ( wait am I right? Is getting lower the right term? oh, never mind. I have the freedom to be corrected.). Maybe you're 'TOO iNLOVE' that's why you are getting lazier"

I always get mad when I hear those lines but I just hide them between my laughs and lies because I know that showing my anger will just bring me to nothing 'cause I can't talk back to teachers.  Do you want to know the reason why  I've changed? Here it is, read on to unlock this effing useless mystery.

Wait. Before I proceed, I'll tell you who I WAS. I'm a good student, in fact I have good grades, I'm an honor student, and I ALWAYS, ALWAYS follow rules. But, I've just been curious on how it feels to be a lawbreaker. So that's it. I started being lazy but at least my grades are not flunking. :] Following the dos and donts are soooooooo boooooring. I also want to prove that even though I'm lazy, I still can be one of the 'smart kuno' at school. But my plan went wrong. 

I know how to manage my time. I just don't want to because doing wrong is fun. I know that was an unacceptable reason but that's the truth. And if love is really the reason why I'm like this, then maybe from my freshman year, I've already been distracted right? I've been crushin' and blushin' and lovin' since my freshman year. I'm just committed right now. So what's the difference? And being in a relationship doesn't change a thing. NORMAL. Adik. I just want to be lazy 'cause it's fun. I know it's wrong, but wrong is MORE FUN!

Thank you for talking about me, now I'm so BROKEN, CRUSHED, DESTROYED and my reputation is SOILED. But what does it mean to you, right? I'm just an ordinary student whose name is unknown and you are BIG people who needs to be respected.

Oh, wonder why I wrote and showed this in public? I can't keep it all in my head and I can't talk back to elders, so I'll just let it out in my blog. So that you will know what it feels like to be talked about especially in the things that are SOOO WRONG. Keep talking about me, I'll be famous.


(haha! I've erased the private thingies in here, so if you don't get my point, then goodluck.:] )