Amfuchsiang Araw.

Sa araw ng kahihiyan.

Haha! Ngayon lang ako nakapag-isip na magsulat dito. Pagod kasi minsan eh. I’m gonna share what happened last October 28, 2011. Eh, sumali ako ng UN Costume Parade/Pageant thingy sa school namen. Greece ung pinili kong irepresent. Ok lang naman yung costume ko. Maganda raw sabi nila. Eh dapat lang naman! Ang effort ko kaya pgdesign nun. Haha! 45+ participants yung sumali kaya hindi na’ko nag-expect na makakapasok pa ako sa Top 10. Ang grades para sa Araling Panlipunan lang naman ang hinabol ko dun kaya ako sumali.

Pero, ayun. Doon nagsimula ang kahihiyan nung natawag yung pangalan ko. Kasama raw ako sa top 10. Eh, ang masaklap, yung top 10 ay sasabak sa madugong question and answer portion. Nahihiya pa naman akong magsalita sa harap ng maraming tao, konti rin lang ung background ko tungkol sa UN dahil nga hindi na’ko nag-expect na makapasok.. So, ayun. Kinabahan na’ko. At ganun nga ang nangyari. Napahiya ako ng bonggang-bongga. Ang gaganda ng mga sagot nung iba, at ako ang last na tinanong. Pero nalaman ko na kung ano yung question ko, may listahan kasi ng mga tanong yung taong nagpabunot ng pangalan kung sino raw judge yung magtatanong saken. Ang question ko sana ay “It’s writren all over the headlines that the the government is having a conflict against the Muslims. The government is planning to have an all out war against them, what can you say about it?” Ay basta, parang ganun yung question. Eh ako naman, readyng ready na saking sagot. Na shock na lang akong bigla nang ang itinanong saken ay “Today, we are celebrating St. Jude Thaddeus’ fest day. St. Jude was known to be the Patron of the Desperate. St. Jude was also known to be the enemies of the powerful men in his country….blah…blah…blahh.” basta ang haba ng sinabi niya at hindi ko alam kung saan yung tanong doon. Eh, teka, diba UN month ang ipinagdiriwang? Ba’t ganun yung tanong niya? Ayun, kahihiyan to the max nung sinagot ko yung tanong. Di ko rin naintindihan yung tanong eh. Nagsisi ako, sana sinabihan ko yung judge na, “Excuse me ma’am, I think we’re talking about UN here and I think you’re question is far out. Thank You!” haha! Pero wala eh. Nalunod lang siguro ako sa kaba nun. Takot kaya ako sa mga tao. haha! At simula dun, napahiya na ako sa harap ng maraming tao sa paaralan. At hindi pa rin ako nakakarecover sa kahihiyang yun. First time ko kasing makasali ng contest na ganun eh. Argh! Bsta yun na yun. amfuchsia ‘diba? Lesson learned na nman. EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED. The End.

MONSTER

You were my conscience
so solid now you're like water
We started drowning
not like we'd sink any further
But I let my heart go
it's somewhere down at the bottom
But I'll get a new one.
come back for the hope that you've stolen

I'll stop the whole world
I'll stop the whole world
from turning into a monster, and eating us alive
Don't you ever wonder how we'd survive?
But now that you're gone the world is ours

I'm only human
I've got a skeleton in me
But I'm not the villain
despite what you're always preaching
Call me a traitor
I'm just collecting your victims
They're getting stronger,
I hear them calling

I'll stop the whole world
I'll stop the whole world
from turning into a monster, and eating us alive
Don't you ever wonder how we'd survive?
But now that you're gone the world is ours

Well you found us strength and solutions but I liked the tension
And not always knowing the answers when you're gonna lose it, you're gonna lose it.

I'll stop the whole world
I'll stop the whole world
from turning into a monster, and eating us alive
Don't you ever wonder how we'd survive?
But now that you're gone the world is ours

I'll stop the whole world
I'll stop the whole world
from turning into a monster, and eating us alive
Don't you ever wonder how we'd survive?
But now that you're gone the world is ours

IGNORANCE is yerr new BEAST FRIEND!

We people are so judgmental that sometimes, we blab things about someone even though we don't know if it's true or not. We just tell 'em so that we could say to ourselves that we are better than them. We're insecure or maybe we're ignorant. We see something weird/unusual/awkward about them then BAAAM, we say they're bad or something.

I AM...

I'm so sick and tired.I'm tired of living up to people's expectations. I'm tired of being a puppet. I'm tired of being good. I'm tired of hearing your complaints about my wild behavior. I'm tired of learning. I'm tired of studying.  I'm tired of seeing the same people everyday. I am tired of the same people who ignores me. I'm tired of the same people I see who are mad at me. I AM JUST TIRED OF EVERYTHING.



I want to break free in my own cage. I'm human. I'm not perfect. I'm not a doll to be dressed up and pampered. I have my own voice that needs to be heard. I have my own thoughts to be expressed. I live for my own. I have my own hopes and dreams. I was not born to satisfy your expectations. I  was born to stand out in my own way. I know that there are rules but I know my own limits. 


You may say that I'm a rebel, that I am a weed of the society, or that I am just too self-centered. I just want my voice to be heard. I don't want to be known as the little-miss-goody-two-shoes. I know, this is immature, but this is who I AM...so don't effing tell me what to do. Right now, I just want to disappear and want to make my own crazy little world.

I am ME.

I am not YOUR PUPPET...


I am not little miss perfect. I'm not the one who follows every little thing you say. I have my own brain and heart. I rock and rule in my own way. I'm tired of people telling me to dot this and that. So please just FUCK OFF, 'kay? Judge me and tell me that I'm mean, I'm lazy and I'm DEFIANT. That's who I really am. I don't care. Now if you can't accept me for who I really am, well, sorry slut. You don't deserve to see rthe better ME. :]


ishtrong kau ko. haha! aw. lilmissdefiant is signing off...

I Had the SADDEST Christmas of my Life

Who would've thought that I would be celebrating Christmas alone? I know my parents are here and all that, but think of it, nobody would go to church! I thought that Christmas is all about family, all about spreading the love. Right now, I just want to cry my heart out. They're all out there, doing their own businesses. My eldest sister is overseas, my second sister is in Manila, my third sister's on night shift, my parents are TIRED. That's it and now I'm in here in this messy room of mine doing NOTHING. I MISS MY FAMILY. I know that they're right there, but the good ol' times, the joy, the bonding and the love's starting to wither. I can't feel them anymore. I've been starting to feel like this ever since my sisters finished school. Christmas break is the only day we could spend time together and now it's messed up.

I've never been jealous to the families out there, but right now, I'm so effing envious! Children running around, families wearing the same shirt color, exchanging gifts, exchanging LAUGHTERS, they make me want to die! I want to experience those right now! Oh, now I'm crying.




HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO EVERYONE!!!!

FOR THE PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO CAN'T UNDERSTAND ME

Taylor Swift
Mean 

You, with your words like knives, 
And swords and weapons that you use against me.

You, have knocked me off my feet again, 
Got me feeling like a nothing.

You, with your voice like nails on a chalk board, calling me out when I'm wounded.

You, picking on the weaker man. 

You can take me downnn, 
With just one single blowwwwww.

But you don't know, 
What you don't know! 

Someday, I'll be, living in a big old city, 
And all you're ever gonna be is mean.
Someday, I'll be, big enough so you can't hit me, 
And all you're ever gonna be is mean.

Why you gotta be so mean?

You, with your switching sides, 
And your wildfire lies, and your humiliation.

You, have pointed out my flaws again.
As if I don't already see them. 

I walk with my head down, 
Trying to block you out, cause I'll never impress you.
I just want to feel okay again.

I bet you got pushed arooound, 
Somebody made you cold.
But the cycle ends right now.
Because you can't lead me down that road.

And you don't know, 
What you don't know.

Someday I'll be living in a big old city, 
And all you're ever gonna be is mean.
Someday I'll be, 
Big enough so you can't hit me.

And all you're ever gonna be is mean.

Why you gotta be so mean?

And I can see you years from now, in a bar, 
Talking over a football game.
With that same big loud opinion, 
But nobody's listenin'.

Washed up and ranting about the same old bitter things.
Drunken groans and all about, 
How I can't be.

And all you are is mean.

All you are is mean, 
And a liar, 
And pathetic, 
And alone in life.

And mean, and mean, and mean, and mean! 

But someday I'll be living in a big old city, 
And all you're ever gonna be is mean.
YEAH EAH! 
Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me, 
And all you're ever gonna be is mean.

Why you gotta be so mean?

Someday I'll be living in a big old city, 
(Why you gotta be so mean)
And all you're ever gonna be is mean.
(Why you gotta be so mean)
Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me, 
(Why you gotta be so mean)
And all you're ever gonna be is mean.

Why you gotta be so mean?