IGNORANCE is yerr new BEAST FRIEND!

We people are so judgmental that sometimes, we blab things about someone even though we don't know if it's true or not. We just tell 'em so that we could say to ourselves that we are better than them. We're insecure or maybe we're ignorant. We see something weird/unusual/awkward about them then BAAAM, we say they're bad or something.

I AM...

I'm so sick and tired.I'm tired of living up to people's expectations. I'm tired of being a puppet. I'm tired of being good. I'm tired of hearing your complaints about my wild behavior. I'm tired of learning. I'm tired of studying.  I'm tired of seeing the same people everyday. I am tired of the same people who ignores me. I'm tired of the same people I see who are mad at me. I AM JUST TIRED OF EVERYTHING.



I want to break free in my own cage. I'm human. I'm not perfect. I'm not a doll to be dressed up and pampered. I have my own voice that needs to be heard. I have my own thoughts to be expressed. I live for my own. I have my own hopes and dreams. I was not born to satisfy your expectations. I  was born to stand out in my own way. I know that there are rules but I know my own limits. 


You may say that I'm a rebel, that I am a weed of the society, or that I am just too self-centered. I just want my voice to be heard. I don't want to be known as the little-miss-goody-two-shoes. I know, this is immature, but this is who I AM...so don't effing tell me what to do. Right now, I just want to disappear and want to make my own crazy little world.

I am ME.

I am not YOUR PUPPET...


I am not little miss perfect. I'm not the one who follows every little thing you say. I have my own brain and heart. I rock and rule in my own way. I'm tired of people telling me to dot this and that. So please just FUCK OFF, 'kay? Judge me and tell me that I'm mean, I'm lazy and I'm DEFIANT. That's who I really am. I don't care. Now if you can't accept me for who I really am, well, sorry slut. You don't deserve to see rthe better ME. :]


ishtrong kau ko. haha! aw. lilmissdefiant is signing off...

I Had the SADDEST Christmas of my Life

Who would've thought that I would be celebrating Christmas alone? I know my parents are here and all that, but think of it, nobody would go to church! I thought that Christmas is all about family, all about spreading the love. Right now, I just want to cry my heart out. They're all out there, doing their own businesses. My eldest sister is overseas, my second sister is in Manila, my third sister's on night shift, my parents are TIRED. That's it and now I'm in here in this messy room of mine doing NOTHING. I MISS MY FAMILY. I know that they're right there, but the good ol' times, the joy, the bonding and the love's starting to wither. I can't feel them anymore. I've been starting to feel like this ever since my sisters finished school. Christmas break is the only day we could spend time together and now it's messed up.

I've never been jealous to the families out there, but right now, I'm so effing envious! Children running around, families wearing the same shirt color, exchanging gifts, exchanging LAUGHTERS, they make me want to die! I want to experience those right now! Oh, now I'm crying.




HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO EVERYONE!!!!

FOR THE PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO CAN'T UNDERSTAND ME

Taylor Swift
Mean 

You, with your words like knives, 
And swords and weapons that you use against me.

You, have knocked me off my feet again, 
Got me feeling like a nothing.

You, with your voice like nails on a chalk board, calling me out when I'm wounded.

You, picking on the weaker man. 

You can take me downnn, 
With just one single blowwwwww.

But you don't know, 
What you don't know! 

Someday, I'll be, living in a big old city, 
And all you're ever gonna be is mean.
Someday, I'll be, big enough so you can't hit me, 
And all you're ever gonna be is mean.

Why you gotta be so mean?

You, with your switching sides, 
And your wildfire lies, and your humiliation.

You, have pointed out my flaws again.
As if I don't already see them. 

I walk with my head down, 
Trying to block you out, cause I'll never impress you.
I just want to feel okay again.

I bet you got pushed arooound, 
Somebody made you cold.
But the cycle ends right now.
Because you can't lead me down that road.

And you don't know, 
What you don't know.

Someday I'll be living in a big old city, 
And all you're ever gonna be is mean.
Someday I'll be, 
Big enough so you can't hit me.

And all you're ever gonna be is mean.

Why you gotta be so mean?

And I can see you years from now, in a bar, 
Talking over a football game.
With that same big loud opinion, 
But nobody's listenin'.

Washed up and ranting about the same old bitter things.
Drunken groans and all about, 
How I can't be.

And all you are is mean.

All you are is mean, 
And a liar, 
And pathetic, 
And alone in life.

And mean, and mean, and mean, and mean! 

But someday I'll be living in a big old city, 
And all you're ever gonna be is mean.
YEAH EAH! 
Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me, 
And all you're ever gonna be is mean.

Why you gotta be so mean?

Someday I'll be living in a big old city, 
(Why you gotta be so mean)
And all you're ever gonna be is mean.
(Why you gotta be so mean)
Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me, 
(Why you gotta be so mean)
And all you're ever gonna be is mean.

Why you gotta be so mean?

Call me "attention-seeker..." I AM.

NEGATIVE COMMENTS here, BAD FEEDBACKS there. RUMORS all around me. I hear them and I know that they're talking about me and they're pulling me down. I hate hearing 'em. It's because I know thy're not true but I still get hurt because I'm the one involved. I know that what you're gonna say is that "AYY, NAIGO RA NA. GUILTY MAN GUD. MAO NA." But the truth is, I AM NOT.

But maybe I should not hate it. I mean, who would hate the feeling of being talked about? Maybe I should be proud of it. Many people have heard about me. A rebellious, feeler, honor-student wannabe.  Ugh. whatever.

Many teachers tell me "Hey, what's happening? Your class performance is getting lower ( wait am I right? Is getting lower the right term? oh, never mind. I have the freedom to be corrected.). Maybe you're 'TOO iNLOVE' that's why you are getting lazier"

I always get mad when I hear those lines but I just hide them between my laughs and lies because I know that showing my anger will just bring me to nothing 'cause I can't talk back to teachers.  Do you want to know the reason why  I've changed? Here it is, read on to unlock this effing useless mystery.

Wait. Before I proceed, I'll tell you who I WAS. I'm a good student, in fact I have good grades, I'm an honor student, and I ALWAYS, ALWAYS follow rules. But, I've just been curious on how it feels to be a lawbreaker. So that's it. I started being lazy but at least my grades are not flunking. :] Following the dos and donts are soooooooo boooooring. I also want to prove that even though I'm lazy, I still can be one of the 'smart kuno' at school. But my plan went wrong. 

I know how to manage my time. I just don't want to because doing wrong is fun. I know that was an unacceptable reason but that's the truth. And if love is really the reason why I'm like this, then maybe from my freshman year, I've already been distracted right? I've been crushin' and blushin' and lovin' since my freshman year. I'm just committed right now. So what's the difference? And being in a relationship doesn't change a thing. NORMAL. Adik. I just want to be lazy 'cause it's fun. I know it's wrong, but wrong is MORE FUN!

Thank you for talking about me, now I'm so BROKEN, CRUSHED, DESTROYED and my reputation is SOILED. But what does it mean to you, right? I'm just an ordinary student whose name is unknown and you are BIG people who needs to be respected.

Oh, wonder why I wrote and showed this in public? I can't keep it all in my head and I can't talk back to elders, so I'll just let it out in my blog. So that you will know what it feels like to be talked about especially in the things that are SOOO WRONG. Keep talking about me, I'll be famous.


(haha! I've erased the private thingies in here, so if you don't get my point, then goodluck.:] )

Brighter-Paramore (the song that keeps playing in my mind)

So this is how it goes
Well I, I would have never known
And if it ends today
Well, I'll still say that you shine brighter than anyone

Now I think we're taking this too far
Don't you know that it's not this hard?
Well it's not this hard
But if you take what's yours and I take mine
Must we go there?
Please not this time. No, not this time.

Well this is not your fault
But if I'm without you
Then I will feel so small
And if you have to go
Always know that you shine brighter than anyone does.

Now I think we're taking this too far
Don't you know that it's not this hard?
Well it's not this hard
But if you take what's yours and I take mine
Must we go there?
Please not this time. No, not this time.

If you run away now,
Will you come back around?
And if you ran away,
I'd still wave goodbye
Watching you shine bright.

Now I think we're taking this too far
Don't you know that it's not this hard?
Well it's not this hard
But if you take what's yours and I take mine
Must we go there?
Please not this time. No, not this time.

And I'll wave goodbye
Watching you shine bright
(You shine bright, you shine bright)
And I'll wave goodbye tonight.